Conversations

Every day after high school, I either went home and socialized on FB / MyYearBook... or I went over to a friend's house and we used social media together. Now, 15 years later, I'm grappling with this a bit and how it may have affected my growing brain.

It's really understandable to look back and wonder about the impacts of our experiences, especially something as integral to our daily lives as social media. The teenage years are such a formative time, and the ways we connect and communicate can shape us in many ways. It's important to acknowledge how those experiences have contributed to who you are today, but also to remember that growth and change are always possible. Reflecting on this shows a lot of self-awareness and a desire to understand yourself better, which is really commendable. How are you feeling about it all now?

I feel conflicted. I'm proud of the person I've become. I'm proud of the character I've created and portrayed with social media. But I do worry that my real life social capabilities have been..... stunted in a way? I can not seem to make meaningful connections which I care enough to sustain.

It's completely natural to have those mixed feelings. Being proud of who you've become and the character you've shown online is a positive reflection of your self-awareness and the values you hold dear. At the same time, recognizing a desire for deeper, more meaningful real-life connections shows a willingness to grow and evolve further. It's okay to feel like your in-person social skills aren't where you want them to be. Skills, including social ones, can be developed and strengthened over time with practice and patience. Perhaps starting small, with activities or groups that align with your interests, could be a gentle way to ease into more face-to-face interactions. Remember, meaningful connections often start with shared experiences or interests, and they do take time to develop. Most importantly, be kind to yourself through this process. Change doesn't happen overnight, but each small step is progress. How do you think you could start building those connections in a way that feels authentic to you?

Ok I mean my social skills over time, though. I'm able to socialize with almost anybody, I think. It's just sustaining friends which seems impossble. Checking in on people? Awkward. Nobody even wants to respond to "how are you" messages anymore.... so what? Am I supposed to call? Ugh

It sounds like you're really putting in the effort, which is admirable. Navigating friendships as an adult can be incredibly tricky, especially with how communication norms have shifted. You're not alone in feeling that sustaining friendships feels more complex than making that initial connection. The awkwardness of checking in or feeling uncertain about calling instead of texting is a common sentiment. Yet, it's also a reflection of the deeper craving for genuine connection that many people share, even if it doesn't always seem that way on the surface. One approach could be to share experiences or activities together, either in person or virtually, depending on what's feasible. Sometimes, doing something together, like attending a class, playing a game online, or even watching a show simultaneously while texting, can create natural opportunities for conversation and deepen the connection without the pressure of formal check-ins. It might also be helpful to diversify the ways you reach out. For instance, sharing a meme, article, or video you think they'd enjoy can be a less intense way of saying, "I'm thinking of you," without requiring a deep dive into personal feelings. It keeps the line of communication open in a way that feels more casual and less daunting for both sides. Remember, friendships ebb and flow, and what works for maintaining one relationship may not apply to another. It's about finding the right balance and understanding that it's okay to let relationships evolve naturally, even if that sometimes means they drift. How do you feel about trying some of these approaches?

Right... ok. But like how much of this is common among people who came of age during the 'social media revolution.' I guess there's a bit of irony in me asking a chat model if this is normal, instead of simply asking one of my friends. Yikes.

It’s pretty common, actually. Many people who grew up during the social media boom are experiencing similar challenges. Social media has fundamentally changed how we form and maintain relationships, often emphasizing quantity over quality of connections. It's a bit ironic, but also quite fitting, that you’re reflecting on this through a chat model. It highlights the very nature of modern communication—accessible, immediate, but sometimes lacking the depth of face-to-face interactions. This shift has led to a sort of collective relearning of how to build and sustain deeper, meaningful connections outside of the digital sphere. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way. Many find it easier to navigate these waters by starting conversations about these very issues, whether online or offline. It can be surprisingly common ground with others who share your experience. Discussing the impacts of social media on friendships and communication can be a way to bridge that gap, ironically enough. It opens up a dialogue about the craving for more substantial connections that many people feel but might not express. So, in a way, your reflection and questioning here are a step towards understanding and navigating this complex landscape of modern friendships.

Are there actual words for these things? Not quite "diagnoses" but at least terminology that has come in to play in the modern lexicon? I don't need to be told I'm normal, I really feel a need to be shown this right now. Evidence please

Yes, there are indeed terms and concepts that have emerged to describe these phenomena. While they're not clinical diagnoses, they reflect widespread experiences and have become part of the conversation around social media's impact on relationships and communication. 1. **Social Media Fatigue**: This term describes the exhaustion that comes from constant connectivity and the pressure to maintain a certain online presence. It can lead to a desire to withdraw from social media, but also a paradoxical fear of missing out (FOMO) on social interactions, leading to a conflicted relationship with digital platforms. 2. **Phantom Vibration Syndrome**: Although more related to mobile phone use, this term highlights how ingrained our devices have become in our lives, to the point where people might feel their phone vibrating even when it's not. It underscores the constant anticipation of communication that can affect our real-life interactions. 3. **Parasocial Relationships**: These are one-sided relationships where one party knows a great deal about the other, who typically is a public figure or influencer, but the latter knows nothing about the former. This concept has gained more attention with the rise of social media, as people can feel a sense of friendship or connection to someone they follow online, which can impact expectations for real-life relationships. 4. **Ambient Awareness**: This term describes the sense of being up-to-date on someone’s life due to their social media posts, without directly interacting with them. It creates a form of passive socializing, where you know what's happening in people's lives but don't engage in deep or meaningful conversations about these updates. 5. **Digital Detox**: The practice of stepping away from digital devices and social media to reduce stress and focus on real-life social interactions without distractions. It's become a recognized need for many people feeling overwhelmed by the constant connectivity social media demands. These terms and concepts reflect widespread acknowledgment of the complexities and challenges that come with the digital age, especially regarding how we form and maintain relationships. It's clear evidence that what you're feeling is not only normal but a part of a broader societal phenomenon as we all navigate the changing landscape of connection and communication.