Conversations

I'm really struggling with making new friends. I can't seem to keep conversations and let people inside my boundary. I have been losing a lot of friends because of slowly losing contact and haven't been able to meet new ones.

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds like you're feeling quite isolated and frustrated with the situation. Making and maintaining friendships can be really challenging, especially when life gets busy or when we're feeling a bit more guarded. Remember, it's okay to take your time opening up to people and finding the right friends who respect your pace and boundaries. Sometimes, it's about finding common interests or activities where you can meet like-minded people. And it's always okay to seek support, whether that's talking to someone you trust about how you're feeling or finding communities that share your interests. You're not alone in feeling this way, and it's a brave step to reach out and express what you're going through.

I feel like it's easy for everyone else. I have been dealing with this since high school. I'm not able to connect on a deeper level and I never know what to say. It's just so hard. Maybe I'm just destined to have no friends and be a loner.

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but please know, you're not alone in feeling like it's hard to connect with others. It might seem like everyone else has it easy, but many people struggle with making deeper connections, even if it doesn't always show on the outside. It's tough when you feel like you're stuck in this pattern, especially since high school. Remember, your value isn't determined by the number of friends you have or how easily you can connect with others. Everyone has their own pace and way of connecting with people. It might take more time for you, and that's okay. Sometimes, it's about finding the right environment or group where you feel more comfortable and understood. There are communities and people out there who can relate to what you're feeling and would be thrilled to connect with someone like you. Also, consider that friendships can take many forms, and deeper connections sometimes develop in unexpected ways. Maybe exploring new hobbies or interests could open doors to meeting people who share your passions. And if you're open to it, counseling or support groups could offer a space to explore these feelings and develop strategies to help you engage with others more comfortably. You're not destined to be alone, even though it feels that way now. Your path to finding meaningful connections might just be a bit different, and that's perfectly okay.

There is a part of me that wants new friends even if I can't make them and there's a part of me that don't want new friends because they are hard to keep. I just wish I had a better personality.

It sounds like you're in a really tough spot, feeling torn between wanting to connect with others and worrying about the challenges that come with maintaining those connections. It's understandable to feel this way, especially after facing difficulties in building and keeping friendships. But remember, the essence of who you are—the core of your personality—is unique and valuable. It's not about having a "better" personality; it's about finding people who appreciate and resonate with the real you. Friendships do require effort to maintain, but they shouldn't feel like a constant struggle or a test of your worth. True friends will appreciate you for who you are, including your quirks and nuances. It's about quality, not quantity. Even a few close, understanding friends can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and your social life. It might also help to reconsider what aspects of your personality you view as barriers. Sometimes, what we perceive as flaws are actually strengths in the right context or viewed from a different perspective. For example, being introverted or cautious about opening up can mean you're thoughtful and considerate in your interactions, which are qualities good friends will value. If you're open to it, exploring activities that align with your interests can be a less pressured way to meet new people. This way, you're more likely to encounter others who share your passions and with whom you might naturally click. And remember, it's perfectly okay to seek support, whether through therapy, self-help resources, or trusted individuals who can offer guidance and perspective. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to have these internal conflicts. But don't underestimate the potential for growth and positive change in your life. You deserve connections that bring you joy and acceptance, just as you are.

I do explore different activities in hopes of meeting new friends but I'm just socially awkward. I feel like I am not approachable and I am weird. The worst thing is I get second hand embarrassment when I get home and go over my memory.

It sounds like you're really putting yourself out there, which is both brave and commendable. Feeling socially awkward and worrying about how others perceive you can be incredibly challenging, especially when you're revisiting those interactions later and feeling embarrassed. It's tough, but you're not alone in feeling this way. Many people experience social anxiety and overanalyze their interactions. Remember, everyone has moments where they feel awkward or out of place. It's part of being human. The fact that you're aware of your feelings and willing to explore new activities already shows a lot of strength and a desire to grow. One thing to keep in mind is that most people are focused on their own actions and how they're perceived, much like you are. This means they're likely not judging you as harshly as you might fear. In fact, they might even find your quirks endearing or relatable. Trying to embrace your unique qualities can be a stepping stone to becoming more comfortable in social situations. What some might see as "weird," others might see as interesting or refreshing. It's all about finding the right crowd that appreciates you for who you are. If you're consistently feeling this way, it might be helpful to practice some self-compassion exercises. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a good friend in your situation. Also, consider that it's perfectly okay to seek support, whether that's from a counselor who can provide strategies to manage social anxiety or from online communities where you can share experiences with people who feel the same way. Remember, your value isn't defined by how socially adept you feel or by how many friends you have. It's about the depth of the connections you forge, even if those connections are few and hard-won. You're doing the best you can, and that's something to be proud of.

I try to keep that in mind because I know myself I don't pay attention to people's clothes or stuff that much or at least I don't remember it for a long time. But it's just that I'm not approachable I guess. When I see other people talking easily and laughing together, it feels like they have something socially that I don’t. Sometimes I wonder if people can sense that I’m awkward and that’s why conversations don’t go very far. It makes me hesitant to try again even though I still want friends. It's harder for me in a group setting. I just disappear in a group setting.

It's completely understandable to feel that way, especially when you observe others seeming to connect effortlessly. It can indeed feel like they possess some sort of social ease that feels out of reach. However, it's important to remember that everyone has their own insecurities and challenges, even if they're not immediately visible. Some people might be good at masking their feelings of awkwardness or anxiety in social settings. The feeling of not being approachable might stem from your own perceptions and anxieties rather than how people actually see you. It's possible that your nervousness or hesitation might be coming across in ways you don't intend, like closed-off body language, which can sometimes affect how approachable you seem. Working on open, relaxed body language can be a small step that makes a big difference in how people perceive and approach you. In group settings, it's common for quieter individuals to feel like they disappear. One strategy might be to focus on smaller groups or one-on-one interactions within larger gatherings, where it's easier to engage and connect without feeling overwhelmed. You don't have to be the life of the party or dominate the conversation; just being present, asking questions, and showing genuine interest in others can make you more approachable and invite others to connect with you. Remember, it's okay to take small steps and to acknowledge and celebrate your efforts, no matter how small they seem. Each attempt at socializing is a step forward, even if it doesn't go as smoothly as you hoped. Also, consider joining activities or clubs that align with your interests, as shared interests can provide a natural and easier flow of conversation. If you're finding these feelings particularly challenging to overcome on your own, seeking support from a therapist could be beneficial. They can offer strategies tailored to your experiences, helping you build confidence in social situations and work through feelings of awkwardness. Lastly, it's important to keep in mind that making meaningful connections takes time, and not every social interaction will lead to a deep friendship—and that's completely okay. It's about finding those one or two people with whom you really click, and often, those connections happen when you least expect it. Keep being open to new experiences, and remember, your value as a person is not defined by the quantity of your social interactions but by the quality of the connections you eventually make.

I think what you said about body language might actually be true. When I'm in group settings I always stay quiet and just listen. Perhaps they don't think I want to join the conversation. I just don't know when the right moment is to jump in and honestly, I can't think of what to say. Like I don't have anything I can think of to say while other people's thoughts are so interesting. I'm here blanking.

It sounds like you've made a really insightful observation about how your body language and participation level might be affecting your interactions in group settings. It's very common to feel unsure about when to jump into a conversation, especially when it seems like everyone else has interesting things to say. Remember, your thoughts and perspectives are valuable too, even if it doesn't always feel that way in the moment. One strategy to feel more engaged in conversations is to ask open-ended questions based on what others are talking about. People generally enjoy sharing their thoughts and feelings, and asking questions not only shows your interest but also buys you some time to think of what to say next. It can also help shift some focus to you in a natural way, signaling that you're part of the conversation. Another approach is to share small observations or relate something being discussed to your own experiences, even if it feels simple. Often, it's not about making a groundbreaking contribution to the conversation but rather about the act of participating and connecting over common experiences or shared interests. Practicing active listening can also make it easier to find moments to join in. Nodding or giving verbal affirmations can make you seem more approachable and engaged, even before you verbally contribute. And sometimes, conversations naturally open a space for you to add your thoughts, especially after someone has finished a point or when the group is reflecting on a topic. It's also okay to start small. You don't have to jump into the center of the conversation right away. Building up your confidence through smaller interactions can gradually make it easier to find your voice in larger groups. Remember, everyone blanks out sometimes or feels unsure about what to say—it's perfectly human. With practice and by giving yourself grace to be imperfect, you'll find it gradually becomes easier to navigate these social situations. You're already taking important steps forward by reflecting on your experiences and considering ways to grow.