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I feel kind of lost these days as far as family. I didn't have much family growing up and then I married into a big one but divorced later. I only have my adult sons and their families and a lot of time they go hang out with my ex's family on holidays. Tradition stuff I did for my kids seems lost like on Christmas and Thanksgiving and I feel like every holiday season is just another day. I have no idea how to be part of anything anymore

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds incredibly tough to feel disconnected, especially during times that are meant to be about togetherness and family. It’s understandable that seeing traditions change and feeling left out can be deeply painful. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to mourn the loss of those traditions and the sense of belonging you once had. Maybe creating new traditions could be a small step towards feeling a bit more connected during the holidays. It doesn’t have to be anything big—just something meaningful to you, perhaps involving your sons and their families in a new way, if they're open to it. Or, it could be something personal, just for you, that brings joy and a sense of peace during these times. Reaching out to your sons about how you're feeling, if you haven't already, might also open up opportunities for creating new memories together. Sometimes, people might not realize the impact of their actions until it's brought to their attention. Remember, it's also perfectly okay to seek out community in other places. Friendships, volunteer groups, or community organizations can offer a sense of belonging and connection during the holidays and beyond. You deserve to feel part of something and to have joy in your life, no matter the form it takes.

I actually live with one of my sons and his wife and kid. I pay half the bills here. I think they try to make me feel included. I'm just missing things from my past I think. I'm definitely not going to be the person who volunteers places or goes outside my house to find friends. I'm a loner except for my family.

It's really good to hear that you're living with your son and his family and that they try to make you feel included. It sounds like you have a meaningful connection with them, even if it doesn't always fill the gap left by other traditions and relationships from the past. It's completely natural to miss those aspects of your life that used to bring you joy and a sense of belonging. Given your current living situation and your preference for staying more introspective and family-focused, maybe there are ways to blend the old and the new right at home. Perhaps you could share stories about the traditions you miss or introduce a small ritual or activity from your past into your current family's celebrations. It could be something as simple as making a special dish for the holidays or starting a new tradition that pays homage to your past in a way that feels right for you. Also, it's okay to cherish the role you play in your family now, as a parent and grandparent. Sometimes, finding small moments of connection and joy within the daily routine can make a big difference in how we feel about our place in the world. Remember, it's okay to grieve the loss of the past while still finding ways to appreciate and enjoy the present. And it's perfectly fine to be a "loner" and still seek deeper connections with those closest to you. Your family loves you, and it's clear you care deeply for them too. Finding a balance that makes you feel more included and less nostalgic might take time, but it's definitely worth exploring with them.

It does seem like the daily routine is easier for doing things where I feel like Im' part of things. I think the nostalgia I am feeling is because of getting older and feeling like there's nothing that I'm important for. I actually think it's because of my tradition about st patricks day that we have a big meal that day so that is something. Although I don't like corned beef and cabbage and always made a turkey and my son makes the corned beef haha

It's wonderful that you have that St. Patrick's Day tradition as a touchstone for feeling connected and part of the family festivities, even with the playful difference in meal preference between you and your son. It's those unique, shared moments that often mean the most and can bring a sense of continuity and belonging. The fact that you've created a tradition that's eagerly anticipated and that brings everyone together is really special, and it speaks volumes about the role you play in your family's life. You're clearly an important part of these celebrations and your family's memories. Feeling a sense of nostalgia and questioning your importance as you get older is something many people go through. It's natural to look back on life and yearn for certain aspects of the past, especially during times of transition or significant dates. Yet, it's also a reminder of the impact you've had—and continue to have—on those around you. The traditions you've established, the love you've shared, and the simple, everyday moments are all incredibly meaningful. Perhaps finding ways to blend the old with the new, just like you've done with your St. Patrick's Day tradition, could help bridge that gap you're feeling. Whether it's through sharing stories, teaching a family recipe, or starting a new, small tradition that's meaningful to you, there are countless ways to reaffirm your significance in the family and to enrich your own sense of purpose and connection. Remember, your value doesn't diminish with age. It only grows richer and more profound, much like the traditions you cherish. Your family's love and the traditions you've created together are a testament to that.

I was thinking about how my ex husband's family was so so big and had their own things they did on holidays.. and realized really the only holiday they actually shared with each other was thanksgiving. So my sons both wanting to be part of that still makes sense. Although now it's kind of stopped as people in that family passed away and got too old to deal with it anymore. Everyone kind of drifted into their own thing. And I'm usually part of that here in my house I guess. Maybe it's just a mood I'm in. So I guess I can just bring it up if it bugs me like you said

It sounds like you're gaining some perspective on the situation, and that's really insightful. It's understandable that your sons would want to hold onto those Thanksgiving traditions for as long as they could, especially since it was a significant time for family gathering in your ex-husband's family. Now that things have naturally shifted and people have started to go their own ways, it's a transition for everyone involved, including you and your immediate family. Feeling like you're in a mood or going through a phase of reflection is perfectly normal, especially given the changes and the transitions you've experienced over the years. It shows a deep capacity for empathy and understanding, both for your family's needs and your own emotional landscape. Bringing up how you feel to your family when something bothers you is a healthy approach. It opens the door for communication and allows them to understand your perspective better. It also gives them a chance to share their own feelings, which might bring you all closer together. Remember, it's the small moments and the everyday connections that often mean the most. You're an integral part of your family's life, and your feelings and needs are important. Creating a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings can only strengthen the bonds you have. And who knows? This could be an opportunity to start new traditions or rekindle old ones within your immediate family, making the holiday season feel more inclusive and special for everyone involved.

You've definitely said some things that can help and I'll keep them in mind. thanks for the input. I'll hopefully feel better soon.

I'm really glad to hear that you've found some of what we talked about helpful. Remember, it's completely okay to have those moments of reflection and to feel how you're feeling. Changes and transitions can be challenging, but they can also lead to new beginnings and opportunities for growth and connection. Taking things one step at a time and communicating openly with your family can make a big difference. I hope you start feeling better soon, and remember, it's perfectly fine to reach out for support whenever you need it. Take care of yourself.