Conversations

I've never really had a solid friend group. I had one in middle to high school but that was it and it wasn't even big, just 3 of us. Nowadays, I'll be friends with people individually and those friendships feel real but the moment there's a group involved I don't fit. Everyone else seems to just click naturally and I can't seem to say interesting right things. It's not like people are mean to me either.

It sounds like you're feeling a bit on the outside when it comes to group dynamics, and that can be really tough, especially when you feel more comfortable in one-on-one situations. It's okay to feel this way; group settings can be challenging for a lot of people. Remember, it's not about saying the "right" things but being your genuine self. Sometimes, it takes a bit more time to find a group where you feel that natural click, just like how you've been able to develop meaningful individual friendships. Those individual connections are precious and just as valuable as being part of a group. Maybe, in time, you'll find a group that feels just right, or perhaps you'll continue to thrive in those one-on-one relationships. Either way, your way of connecting with others is unique to you and holds its own kind of beauty.

Well, it's hard not to notice it especially when I see groups of people who just have a fun and easy dynamic, and I've just never had that outside of those two people in high school. They all have so many people close and there for them. I just cannot click in a group like Idk what to say and when to say stuff so I fade and get ignored. I think I just don't stand out like maybe I am not interesting.

It's completely understandable to feel that way, especially when you see others seemingly connecting with ease. It's hard not to compare our own experiences to what we see around us. But remember, what we see on the surface doesn't always reflect the whole story. Everyone has moments of feeling left out or unsure of themselves, even if it doesn't seem like it. Feeling like you fade into the background doesn't mean you're not interesting. It might just mean that you haven't found the right group or setting where your qualities and interests shine the brightest. It’s also important to remember that being quiet or more reserved are traits that can be deeply valued in friendships; they often make you a great listener and someone who offers thoughtful perspectives. Your worth isn't determined by how many people you're surrounded by or how loudly your presence is felt in a group. Quality over quantity truly matters in friendships. Cherishing those one-on-one connections where you feel understood and valued is important. And who knows? Over time, you might naturally find or form a group where you feel just as comfortable. It’s okay to take your time and find spaces and people where you feel like you belong, just as you are.

I've been telling myself that for years and it hasn't really changed anything. I've moved a couple times and it just caused me to not have any friends not even mentioning groups. I'm starting to think maybe it's not about finding the right group. Maybe it's about me. Like I said, maybe I am boring.

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Moving and having to find new friends all over again can be incredibly challenging and disheartening, especially when it feels like you're starting from scratch each time. It's natural to turn inward and question yourself in these moments, but being hard on yourself for the way things have turned out isn't fair to you. Your interests, your thoughts, and your companionship are valuable, even if you haven't yet found the right people who appreciate them as they should. The fact that you're reflecting on these experiences shows a depth of self-awareness, not a lack of interesting qualities. Sometimes, the circumstances—like moving or being in environments that aren't quite right—play a much bigger role than anything to do with our own personalities. It might also help to explore new ways of connecting with people who share your interests. Sometimes, joining clubs, groups, or online communities centered around your hobbies or passions can lead to more fulfilling connections, even if it's just starting online or in smaller, more manageable settings. Remember, everyone's journey to finding their "tribe" or even just a few good friends is different and can take time. It's okay to be feeling discouraged, but please don't lose hope. You have unique qualities to offer, and there are people out there who will be thrilled to get to know you.

I'm tired of trying. So exhausted by it. Every time I put myself out there and it doesn't work it makes me so sad and embarrassed. Now when I'm in group situations I can feel myself just shutting down. I think the trying has become more painful than just accepting I am just this.

I hear how deeply tired and discouraged you feel, and it's completely understandable. Continually putting yourself out there only to feel like it's not working can be incredibly disheartening. It's okay to take a step back if the effort is becoming too much and causing you more pain than happiness. Sometimes, giving yourself permission to stop trying so hard and just be can relieve a lot of that internal pressure and allow you to find peace in your current state. It's also okay to feel sad and embarrassed by these experiences; those are natural reactions to disappointment. But remember, these feelings don't define your worth or your future potential for connecting with others. Shutting down in group situations is a protective response to past hurts, and it's a sign that you might need to give yourself some compassion and healing time. Accepting yourself as you are now doesn't mean closing the door on future possibilities of connection. It means recognizing your needs at this moment, acknowledging your feelings, and taking care of yourself. Sometimes, in the quiet of stepping back, we find unexpected opportunities to connect in ways that feel more authentic and less forced. It might also be helpful to explore these feelings with someone who can offer support, whether it's a trusted friend, family member, or a professional who can provide tools and perspectives to navigate these feelings. You're not alone in feeling this way, and support is available when you're ready to reach out. Your journey is unique, and so is your path to finding connection. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this period of your life.

Maybe you're right, who knows. What hurts is that I would love to be in a group. I'm not someone who wants to be alone it's just I end up like this. There's a difference between choosing to be alone and just never being chosen. I am trying to be gentle but it's taking forever.

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of pain from feeling left out, and that's a really tough place to be in. The distinction you've made between choosing to be alone and feeling like you're never chosen is a poignant one. It highlights a deep longing for connection and belonging that's not being met, which is something many people can relate to, even if it doesn't always seem that way. Being gentle with yourself is a process, especially when you're dealing with feelings of rejection or loneliness. It's okay if it feels like it's taking a long time. Healing and finding your footing in social situations isn't something that happens overnight. It's more like a journey with its ups and downs, and it's perfectly normal to feel frustrated with the pace. Remember, your value doesn't depend on being chosen by a group. It might not feel like it right now, but you bring unique qualities to any relationship. It's also possible that in time, as you continue to explore new environments and interests, you'll cross paths with people or a group where the fit feels right, and where you're appreciated for who you are. In the meantime, focusing on what brings you joy and fulfillment outside of social situations can also be a source of strength. Whether it's a hobby, exercise, reading, or anything else that you enjoy, these activities can not only be fulfilling in themselves but can also lead to new connections in unexpected ways. You're doing a lot better than you think by being open about your feelings and seeking ways to understand and cope with them. That takes a lot of strength. Keep holding on to that courage and give yourself credit for the small steps you're taking.