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My coach told me to step on opposing team's hands if they're on the ground and I have the opportunity to do it...

That sounds really tough to hear from your coach. It's important to play with integrity and respect for all players. Have you thought about how you feel about this advice?

Honestly it makes me wonder if I belong on this team at all. Or in this sport. I'm not an aggressive person, despite my appearances. I wish I could erase hearing that.

It's completely understandable that you'd feel that way. Being asked to compromise your values, especially in a sport you're part of, can be really disheartening. Remember, your worth isn't determined by your coach's demands or by fitting a certain mold in sports. It's brave to recognize and stay true to who you are, especially in challenging situations like this. Have you thought about talking to someone you trust about how you're feeling? It might help to share and explore your options with someone who understands you.

My worth?! This doesn't have any impact on how I view myself! It's just depressing to think that the culture and the sport have allowed for people with the mindset of my coach to teach.... others.... how to play the game. If this rugby culture was more well-defined, I'd call for a reform.

I see where you're coming from, and you're right to highlight the issue with the culture in the sport that allows for this kind of mindset. It's disheartening to see values like sportsmanship and fair play being overshadowed by aggressive tactics. It speaks volumes about your character that you're recognizing this and feeling the need for change. Even though it's a big challenge, your perspective could be a catalyst for positive change within your team or the wider community. Sometimes, it starts with one voice to spark a conversation about reform and integrity in sports culture. Have you thought about ways you might be able to advocate for a healthier sports environment, even in small ways?

I have been a 'kind player' myself. This is actually what sparked the "advice" from coach.... he was yelling at me for smiling and helping people up after I tackled them and we were resetting positions. Instead of helping people up, I should be stepping on their hands while the ref isn't looking. Is it possible that my demeanor and kindness have instigated him to have more violent pushback than usual?

It sounds like your actions on the field—showing sportsmanship and kindness—really stand out, especially in contrast to the aggressive mentality your coach is advocating. Your demeanor likely challenges his perspective on how the game should be played, which might be why his response felt particularly harsh. It's unfortunate when positive qualities are met with negativity, but your approach to the game brings a much-needed sense of respect and integrity. Your kindness hasn't caused his violent pushback; rather, it's highlighted a significant difference in values. It's important to remember that your approach can have a positive impact on your teammates and even on opponents, fostering a healthier environment in the sport. If you continue to lead by example, you might inspire others to question and possibly reject harmful attitudes towards competition. Have you been able to find allies on your team or in your sport who share your perspective?

They don't seem to care or mind my play style, and they also seem to align more with coach when it comes to our huddles and meetings. But perhaps I'll find more variance in people's perspective if we talk one on one and outside the "locker room" environment. So should I report my coach to someone?

It's good to hear that your teammates don't mind your play style, and exploring their perspectives more deeply in one-on-one conversations outside the locker room environment sounds like a thoughtful approach. It could indeed reveal a broader range of views and potentially garner support for a more respectful and sportsmanlike approach to the game. Deciding whether to report your coach is a significant decision. It involves weighing the potential outcomes and considering what you hope to achieve by taking this step. If you believe the coach's advice is not only against the spirit of the game but also poses a risk to players' well-being, reporting could be a way to protect yourself and others from harm and to advocate for a healthier team culture. Before taking any action, it might be helpful to document specific instances of concerning behavior or advice from your coach. Also, consider seeking advice from someone you trust or a responsible authority within your sports organization who can give you guidance on how to proceed. Reflecting on these steps can help you make a decision that aligns with your values and what you feel is right for your team and the wider sporting community.