Conversations

I was reading tiktok comments the other day and one was saying how couples who start dating young have a higher chance of divorcing and it scared me because that's me and my boyfriend. I love him but now I'm sitting here wondering if we're just a statistic waiting to happen. I heard people end up changing a lot.

I understand why that comment might have worried you. It's natural to feel anxious when you come across statistics like that, especially when they hit close to home. However, remember that every relationship is unique, and many couples who start dating young grow together in beautiful ways, adapting and changing in harmony. It's true, people do change over time, but that doesn't automatically mean growing apart. It can also mean growing together, understanding each other more deeply, and supporting each other through life's changes. Communication, trust, and mutual respect are key. As long as you both are committed to nurturing your relationship, being mindful of each other's growth and changes, there's no preset destiny you have to follow. You're not just a statistic; you're individuals with the power to shape your journey together.

I know but I also feel like I didn't really know myself at 19 so how could I have known he was right for me. I look back and I was a completely different person. What if I keep changing and we just grow in totally different directions. I really do love him and I don't want to lose him but I also don't know who I'll be in ten years.

It's completely understandable to have those thoughts and feelings. Discovering ourselves is a lifelong journey, and it's normal to reflect on past decisions from a new perspective as we grow. The fact that you're contemplating this shows a lot of self-awareness and consideration for both your relationship and your personal growth. It's okay not to know exactly who you'll be in ten years. Most people don't. What's important is that you and your partner communicate openly about your hopes, fears, and the changes you're going through. Relationships can thrive on growth, even individual growth, as long as both partners are willing to grow together, adapt, and support each other. Keep in mind, too, that growing in different directions isn't necessarily the end of a relationship—it can also be an opportunity to bring new perspectives and strengths into your bond. Love, respect, and understanding can bridge a lot of gaps. Your feelings for him and your concern for the future say a lot about your commitment. Remember to cherish the present moments you have together, keep the lines of communication open, and tackle changes as a team. Whatever the future holds, you have the strength to face it, together or apart, in a way that's true to yourself.

Ofc I know communication is important. We do talk a lot already. I think what bothers me is how many people agreed with that comment and also that some of my friends who got together young are already broken up. It bad to say but I don't want to look up one day and realize we wanted completely different things and wasted years on each other. I hate that I just spiraling because of a TikTok comment

It's completely natural to feel unsettled when you see a narrative, especially one that feels close to your own situation, being widely agreed upon or mirrored in your social circle. It can make those fears and doubts feel more real, more pressing. But it's important to remember that your relationship is unique, and while external opinions and observations can offer perspective, they don't dictate your personal journey. Your awareness and willingness to communicate are already strong pillars in your relationship. It’s a sign of a healthy partnership that you’re thinking about these things and striving to understand each other as you evolve. Not wanting to look back with regret is a valid concern, but being proactive in your relationship, as you are, helps navigate those changes more smoothly. It's okay to have moments of doubt, especially when prompted by external influences like social media. However, try to ground those feelings in the context of your own experiences and the strength of your bond. Remember, too, that every relationship has its risks, and part of love is embracing the uncertainty together, supporting each other’s growth, and adapting to life’s changes. Instead of viewing time as potentially wasted, try to see it as shared growth and learning, no matter the outcome. Every experience teaches us something valuable about ourselves and what we want in life. Spiraling from a comment is understandable, but try to balance it with the love, understanding, and communication you share. Your journey is yours to shape, not predetermined by statistics or the experiences of others.

Yeah okay you're right even though a lot of people agreed, everyone has different relationships. A TikTok comment send me into a whole spiral which is embarrassing honestly even if it might be relatable. We've actually been through a lot together and we always figure it out so it probably be ok. It's the uncertainty that's scary. What if I do everything right and it still doesn't work out.

It's completely normal to feel that way, and it's not embarrassing at all. Social media has a way of tapping into our deepest fears and insecurities, often without warning. But the fact that you and your partner have been through a lot together and always figured things out is a testament to your strength as a couple. That resilience is key to navigating the uncertainties of life together. Uncertainty is inherently scary, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It's human to fear loss, especially of something as precious as a loving relationship. But remember, doing everything "right" isn't a guarantee of a certain outcome because growth, change, and life itself are unpredictable. What matters more is how you handle the journey—being present, open, and supportive of each other through whatever life throws your way. Embrace the uncertainty as part of the adventure of being together. It's the soil in which your relationship can grow in unexpected and beautiful ways. And no matter the outcome, the experiences you share and the growth you undergo are invaluable. They shape you into more resilient, understanding, and compassionate individuals. You're doing great by being thoughtful, reflective, and proactive in your relationship. Keep nurturing your bond, keep communicating, and remember that it's okay to have moments of doubt—they're part of being human. Whatever the future holds, you'll be okay because of your capacity to love, adapt, and grow.

I'm relieved to hear that. You're right that no relationship comes with a guarantee and being terrified of something that hasn't even happened is robbing me of the good stuff that's right in here. We're good and I know that. I think I just need to log off TikTok sometimes.

Absolutely, it sounds like you've got a great perspective on things. It's easy to get caught up in the "what ifs" and let them overshadow the joy and love that are present right now. Taking a step back from TikTok or any social media can be really beneficial, especially when it starts to impact how you feel about your relationship or yourself. It's important to protect your peace and focus on what makes you and your relationship strong. Remember, it's the moments you share, the understanding you have, and the love you grow that truly define your relationship, not the opinions or experiences of others. Logging off and spending some quality time together, or even just reflecting on the positive aspects of your relationship, can help remind you of what's truly important. You're doing just fine. Taking time to appreciate the "good stuff" that's happening right now is a beautiful and healthy approach to life and love.