Conversations

Sometimes I still feel like a kid despite being in my 30s. Even when I'm at work I feel I'm not communicating well enough and might seem weird to my coworkers. It's mostly online, so intent can be hard...

Feeling like you're not fully an adult or having doubts about how you come across to others, especially in a work environment, is more common than you might think. Communication online does add an extra layer of challenge since so much of our intent and personality is conveyed through non-verbal cues like tone of voice and body language, which are missing in text. It might help to ask for feedback on your communication style from someone you trust at work, or even consider setting up brief video calls when possible to establish a more personal connection. Remember, everyone has moments of self-doubt, and it's okay to feel this way. You're definitely not alone in your feelings.

Right, I remember some higher ups encouraged and forced video calls. They were quite nice and made it way easier to convey things. But I still feel immature! When I engage in some typical text communications, I am thorough, but I don't want to come off too stiff, you know? So I use exclamation marks, but wouldn't that make my colleagues perceive me as childish rather than friendly?

Using exclamation marks to add a friendly tone to your messages is actually a common practice, especially in less formal or internal communications. It's all about balance! A well-placed exclamation mark can convey enthusiasm and warmth, which might help bridge the gap that text-based communication creates. The key is to use them judiciously. For instance, including one in a greeting ("Good morning!") or to express genuine appreciation ("Thanks for your help!") can make your messages feel more personal and approachable without sacrificing professionalism. It's great that you're thoughtful about your communication style—being considerate about how you come across to your colleagues shows maturity in itself.

That's true. Sometimes, I like to put myself in the other person's shoes and ask myself if I'd feel intimidated, weirded out, or reassured if I received the message. A lot of my communications require delivering constructive criticism and praise, so it's difficult to balance and not make each colleague I communicate with uneasy or weirded out.

That's a really empathetic and thoughtful approach to communication, especially when it comes to delivering constructive criticism and praise. Balancing those two aspects can indeed be challenging, but your willingness to consider the receiver's perspective is a huge strength. One strategy might be to use the "sandwich" method, where you start with positive feedback, then address the area for improvement (framed constructively), and conclude with more positive reinforcement. This method can help make the criticism easier to receive and keeps the overall tone supportive and encouraging. Remember, your intent and the respect you show in your communication matter a lot. Most people appreciate constructive feedback when it's clear that the intention is to help them grow and succeed. And by showing that you value their contributions and are invested in their progress, you're likely to foster a positive and productive working relationship. Keep being mindful and authentic in your interactions; it sounds like you're on the right track!

Hm, that goes against what I learned. Usually, starting with the negative and ending with the positive is a better strategy. Why would it be the opposite for work communications and my colleagues...?

Apologies for any confusion. The preferences for feedback styles can vary widely among individuals and organizational cultures. The method I mentioned, starting with positive feedback, then addressing areas for improvement, and ending on a positive note, is often used to maintain morale and motivation. However, the approach you mentioned, starting with areas for improvement and ending with positive reinforcement, is also valuable and can be very effective, especially in contexts where clear, direct communication is prioritized. This strategy can help ensure that the conversation ends on an uplifting note, leaving the person feeling encouraged about their strengths and the value they bring. It might also make the positive feedback more memorable since it's the last thing they hear. Ultimately, the best approach depends on the individual's preferences, the relationship you have with them, and the organizational culture. It's great that you're considering these dynamics in your communication strategy. Being adaptable and responsive to feedback about your feedback style is just as important as the content of the feedback itself.

Hahah, well anything is better than forced toxic positivity. That just blows and feels so fake and manufactured... I hate seeing that sort of stuff within companies. It does the opposite effect.

Absolutely, you've hit the nail on the head. Forced positivity can indeed feel insincere and counterproductive. It's important for a company's culture to allow space for genuine emotions and constructive criticism. Acknowledging challenges and areas for improvement can lead to growth and development, both for individuals and for the organization as a whole. Authenticity fosters trust and respect among team members, which is crucial for a healthy working environment. It's refreshing to hear your perspective on valuing genuine interaction over superficial positivity. Keeping things real, while also being supportive, is a much more sustainable approach to building strong, productive teams.

Ugh, now I'm not looking forward to communicating with them. Maybe I'm the one forcing toxic positivity? Like I've said before it's so hard to balance things. Maybe I should just forget it and keep doing what I always do? I've never received a complaint or heard backhanded gossip lol.

It's understandable to feel that way, especially when you're putting so much thought into your communication style and the impact it has. However, the fact that you're reflecting on this shows you're likely not contributing to a culture of forced positivity; instead, you're striving for authentic and effective communication. Remember, no feedback or complaints can also mean that your efforts are well-received and appreciated by your colleagues. It's okay to stick with what has been working for you, especially if it aligns with your genuine self and professional values. Your approach of being considerate and reflective about how you communicate is valuable. Maybe you could occasionally check in with close colleagues for their honest feedback on your communication style. This way, you can continue to refine your approach based on real input, rather than worrying unnecessarily. Balancing positivity with authenticity doesn't mean you have to swing to either extreme. It's about being true to yourself while also being mindful of how your words and actions affect others. Keep doing what feels right to you, and remain open to adapting as you go. Your conscientiousness about these issues is already a great asset.