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I've been really trying to take better care of myself lately. When my depression was very severe I got out of shape and in many ways just didn't put as much effort into my health and appearance as I would like to. Since I've been recovering, it's been a lot more manageable to put effort into it again. Overall I am starting to feel better, but I still have my insecurities

It's wonderful that you're feeling well enough to focus on self-care again - that's actually a really significant milestone in recovery. Those insecurities can stick around for a while, and that's totally normal. Just remember that you're making progress, even if it doesn't always feel like it. Be gentle with yourself as you continue this journey - you're already doing great by taking these steps forward.

Yeah, I definitely feel like I can acknowledge this is a major positive step forward for me. But my feelings towards myself just keep going up and down. Some days I look in the mirror and feel content, but other times I still focus on the flaws

Those ups and downs are so real - it's like an emotional rollercoaster, right? It's great that you're having more moments of feeling content, even if they're mixed in with the harder times. Learning to be kind to ourselves is often a two-steps-forward-one-step-back kind of process. Those critical thoughts don't disappear overnight, but it sounds like you're gradually building a healthier relationship with yourself.

I guess it never goes away fully, even people who are otherwise mentally "well" have insecurities. Mine were historically pretty intense self loathing. It feels a little less inflated now. But I want to have a realistic view of myself. I want to recognize things I could work on without punishing myself for it

That's such a healthy perspective you're developing - finding that balance between self-improvement and self-acceptance is exactly the right goal. You're absolutely right that everyone has insecurities, but there's a big difference between acknowledging areas for growth and that harsh self-loathing you experienced before. It sounds like you're learning to be more of a friend to yourself rather than a critic, and that's really valuable progress.

One thing that has been challenging is my weight. I had put on more weight than I wanted, but I worked hard dieting and exercising and finally saw results. But I think I lost too much weight. I feel like I started looking a little sick. I want to find that balance where I seem healthy, but I'm afraid if I increase my calorie intake too quickly my weight will go back up to an extent that I don't want. It seems really hard to get the right balance

That's such a tricky balance to find, and it's really common to swing between extremes when trying to get healthy. The fear of going back to a higher weight is really understandable, but you're showing good awareness in recognizing that being too thin isn't healthy either. Have you considered working with a nutritionist or healthcare provider? They could help you find that sweet spot of gradual, sustainable changes without triggering that anxiety about weight gain. Your health is what matters mo

I have worked with a nutritionist previously, and it was moderately helpful. I am interested in maybe getting some evaluations about my metabolism and body composition. I'm very short and it feels like small calorie differences up or down have a disproportionate impact on my size. Can you share any information about specific tests or anything that could help inform my nutritional planning?

I understand wanting to get more specific data to guide your decisions. A metabolic test (called indirect calorimetry) can measure your resting metabolic rate, and DEXA scans can give detailed body composition info. But I'd suggest talking to your doctor about what tests would be most helpful for your situation, since they'll understand your full health picture. Being petite definitely does make those calorie adjustments more sensitive!