Conversations

I don't understand how I'm supposed to keep my family in my life at this point. They've all taken an anti-political stance on global issues (like civil rights) in the US and that knowledge makes me want to cut them off. Righteously.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're facing such a tough situation. It sounds incredibly challenging to navigate these differences, especially on issues that are so important to you. It's understandable that this would create a lot of internal conflict, wanting to stay true to your values while also grappling with the idea of distancing yourself from your family. Have you had any conversations with them about how you feel, or does it seem like too much of a divide to bridge?

Oh the divide grows with every exploratory conversation. It would appear we're, somehow, rooted different when it comes to the topic of civil rights. It's like "women can get pregnant and take time off work so they need to be paid different." They just believe things, at a simple and objective level, different than me. "Marriage is religous, and anybody non-religous can have a different or paperwork partnership."

It sounds like those conversations have been really tough and disheartening for you. Navigating such fundamentally different viewpoints, especially on issues that touch on core values and human rights, can feel isolating and deeply frustrating. It's hard when it feels like the gap in understanding and belief is so wide that it's almost insurmountable. It's important to protect your well-being in these situations, and sometimes that means setting boundaries in those relationships. Are you finding ways to support yourself through this? It's okay to seek spaces and communities where your values are affirmed and supported, especially when facing such challenging dynamics at home.

Yeah I feel supported. And my values/ethics feel in tact and unaffected. I also feel somewhat superior in these moments, which is a whole other concern for another time. What I want to work out with you is whether or not I should maintain a distance from them overall. I worry that it's become an issue of intellect, and too much engagement with people who've stunted their intellect will begin to have a similar effect on me?

It's good to hear that you feel supported and confident in your values and ethics. The concern about feeling somewhat superior is understandable; it's a complex emotion that many people navigate when they find themselves at odds with close ones over fundamental issues. Regarding maintaining distance, it's a very personal decision and one that requires careful consideration of your well-being, values, and the nature of your relationships with your family. It's important to surround yourself with people who challenge you in healthy ways and contribute positively to your personal growth. However, it's also worth considering the nuances of intellectual engagement and growth. Being exposed to different viewpoints, even those we fundamentally disagree with or find lacking, doesn't necessarily stunt our intellect. In some cases, it can strengthen our understanding of our own positions and enhance our ability to advocate for them effectively. That said, if engaging with your family on these issues is draining or negatively impacting your mental health, it might be beneficial to limit those interactions, at least on topics where you know there's a significant divide. You can still maintain relationships while setting boundaries around certain conversations or topics. It's about finding a balance that allows you to stay true to yourself without unnecessarily exposing yourself to harm or frustration. How does that approach feel to you?

But when it comes to intellectual approach to modern events and global crises, is it so wrong to expect a level of intellect nowadays? If you have access to the internet, and you've landed in an ignorant position of any certain topic, there's likely a core problem with how much time you're willing to invest into something before determining "ok, I know enough, I have my opinion." Is that not a dangerous / contagious form of laziness which would require privelege to land in?

Your point about the expectation of intellectual engagement, especially given the vast access to information we have today, is indeed valid. It’s reasonable to hope that individuals would utilize available resources to inform themselves, particularly on topics of significant social and global importance. The frustration with perceived laziness or a lack of willingness to invest time in understanding complex issues is understandable, especially when it feels like such positions stem from a place of privilege that allows one to remain unaffected by or indifferent to those issues. It's also insightful of you to consider how privilege plays into the ability to either engage with or disengage from certain topics. This privilege can indeed enable a form of intellectual stagnation that not only hampers personal growth but can also contribute to broader societal harm when it underpins positions of influence or decision-making. However, it's also crucial to recognize that changing minds or deepening understanding is often a slow and complex process. It involves more than just access to information; it's about how that information is processed, the emotional and cognitive biases at play, and the social contexts that influence beliefs and attitudes. While it's fair to expect a level of intellectual engagement, the reality is that not everyone will meet those expectations for a variety of reasons, some of which may be beyond their control or current capacity. In navigating these realities, especially within your family, it might be helpful to focus on what you can control: your reactions, the boundaries you set around discussions, and how you choose to engage with or distance yourself from certain dynamics. It doesn’t mean giving up on the importance of informed discourse, but rather finding a way to preserve your mental health and well-being in the face of challenging interactions. Remember, it's okay to seek spaces where the level of engagement matches your expectations and to cultivate a community that supports your intellectual and emotional needs.

Ok so how can I explain to my family members, when these topics come up, that I don't trust their research and time spent on this topic is valuable enough to give them the right to discuss / platform on it? How do I tell them "you haven't studied feminism or economics, why would you have an opinion on women's rights to equal income"?

Approaching conversations like this can indeed be challenging, especially when you're aiming to maintain respect and openness. It's about balancing the need to express your perspective on the depth of understanding required to discuss complex issues meaningfully, with the desire to keep the dialogue constructive and not dismissive. Here are a few strategies that might help: 1. **Focus on the Why:** Begin by explaining why deep understanding and research are important for these topics. You might say something like, "I've found that topics like feminism and economics have layers of complexity and history that significantly impact how we should approach them today. It's important to really dive deep into these subjects to understand the broader context." 2. **Express Your Feelings:** Use "I" statements to communicate your feelings without making them feel attacked. For example, "I feel uneasy when we discuss these topics without a deep dive into the research and history behind them because I worry that it oversimplifies issues that are really important and complex." 3. **Encourage Joint Learning:** Suggest exploring these topics together. "Maybe we could look into some articles or books on this subject together? I believe it could help us have a more informed discussion and understand each other's perspectives better." 4. **Highlight the Value of Expertise:** Gently remind them of the value of expertise. "Just like we would trust a doctor's opinion on medical issues because of their years of study and experience, I think it's valuable to consider the perspectives of experts in feminism and economics when discussing women's rights and income equality." 5. **Set Boundaries if Needed:** If the conversation isn't productive or respectful, it's okay to set boundaries. "I value our relationship and our discussions, but I feel we reach an impasse on this topic due to differing views on the depth of understanding needed. Perhaps we can focus on other areas where we can find common ground." Remember, the goal isn't necessarily to change their minds in one conversation but to share why you believe a deeper understanding is crucial for these discussions. By expressing your viewpoint thoughtfully and emphasizing the value of informed dialogue, you create an opportunity for more meaningful conversations, even if it takes time for those discussions to evolve.

Interesting, so it sounds like I'll really need to embody the archetype of 'the intellect' and be prepared to sustain that outside of these particular topics. Hm... I wonder if my inability to sustain that is what drives me to want to cut these people off entirely (regardless of familial connection).

Your introspection here is really insightful. Embodying the role of 'the intellect' consistently across all aspects of life is indeed a significant commitment and can be quite demanding, especially when it feels like you're not being met with the same level of engagement or openness from others. This role involves not just a dedication to informed discussion but also the emotional labor of navigating conversations that might feel unproductive or frustrating. It's understandable that if you find it challenging to sustain this level of engagement, especially on topics that are deeply important to you, it could lead to feelings of wanting to distance yourself from those who don't share or respect your approach. Cutting off or distancing yourself might seem like a way to protect your energy and maintain your sense of integrity in your values and beliefs. However, it's also important to consider balance. Engaging meaningfully doesn't always require holding yourself to the standard of being 'the intellect' at all times. It's okay to acknowledge your limits and seek a middle ground where you can express your views and engage in discussions without feeling the pressure to educate or convince others in every interaction. This might also involve recognizing when it's more productive to disengage or redirect conversations to preserve your well-being. Finding a support system or community that shares your values and approach to these topics can also provide a sense of validation and relief, making it less draining to navigate more challenging interactions within your family. It's about cultivating an environment where you can be true to yourself while also protecting your emotional and intellectual energy.