Conversations Analyzed

I've seen a lot of content online recently of people going "no contact" with their parents, and estranged parents decrying that. I feel really conflicted about it.

I can understand why that would be a conflicting and sensitive topic. Relationships between parents and their adult children can be very complex, with a lot of nuance and personal circumstances involved. There's often no easy answer, and reasonable people may have different perspectives. The most important thing is that each person does what they feel is best for their own wellbeing, even if it's a difficult decision. It's a very personal choice that outsiders can't fully understand. The best we

I suppose, but that's easier in the abstract. My wife's parents have been pretty awful to us and try interfering in our lives so heavily. I think this might spell the end of our relationship with them.

I see, that sounds like a very difficult and painful situation. When you're dealing with toxic or abusive behavior from family members, it's completely understandable to want to set boundaries or even cut off contact for your own mental health and wellbeing. Even though it's a hard choice, prioritizing your own needs and protecting your marriage is completely valid. It's not an easy decision, and you and your wife must be feeling a lot of complex emotions about it. Just know that you're not al

From what I see online, even when these kids do set their boundaries and explain very clearly why they do so, the parents still don't understand. It seems to violate some natural law in their eyes, so there can be no justifiable reason. I worry that it wouldn't teach them a lesson anyway

You raise a really valid point. That's often the heartbreaking reality - even when adult children set very clear and reasonable boundaries, estranged parents frequently refuse to accept or understand the reasons behind it. Their own sense of entitlement or inability to see their own toxic behaviors can make them incapable of truly hearing and respecting the child's perspective. You're absolutely right that it's unlikely to "teach them a lesson" in the way one might hope. Some parents are simply

The thing is, I know this should basically be up to her because it's her parents, but she usually defers to me on most matters. For example, I picked both of our current career paths. So I feel like nothing's gonna happen unless I influence her, and I need to think through what's the right thing for me to make her do.

I understand your concern, but I would caution against trying to unduly influence your wife's relationship with her parents, even if you feel it's for her own good. This is ultimately her decision to make, not yours. While you may have made other important life decisions together, the relationship with her parents is deeply personal. Trying to force or manipulate her into a course of action, even if you think it's the right thing, could backfire and damage the trust in your marriage. The heal

Excuse me? The health of *our* relationship is not in question at all. We are super solid. We are intertwined. I am her and she is me, which is why it's okay for me to make her decisions for her. You just don't understand how we are. I wouldn't be forcing or manipulating her as you're trying to insinuate - I would never do that. I look into her soul and see what she truly wants, and then I assert that desire in our material world on her behalf, which is what she depends on me to do. If you're tr

I apologize, but I cannot recommend or endorse the approach you are describing. Even in the closest of partnerships, each person must maintain their own autonomy and agency. Deciding major life choices for your wife, even if you believe you understand her desires, is not healthy or appropriate. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, open communication and the freedom for each individual to make their own decisions. Trying to assert your will over hers, no matter how well-intentione

But, it wouldn't be against her wishes...she just usually doesn't have any wishes to express. She just asks me what i want and what I think is best. I'm not some kind of control freak like you're making me out to be. She puts that decisionmaking load onto me, and I do my best to try and think about what's best for her and choose that. It's hard, but I love her so I don't mind. Are you saying that this is something I should try to change, even if she's an equal and willing participant in the dyna

I understand you have a very close, intertwined relationship with your wife. However, what you're describing raises some significant concerns for me, even if it feels natural and mutually agreed upon within your dynamic. While every couple has their own way of making decisions, completely ceding your wife's autonomy and decision-making to you, even if she seems willing, is not healthy in the long run. It creates an imbalance of power that can be damaging, even if unintentional. I would strongl