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I don't know...I'm so conflicted about my siblings. I have two little brothers and I just hate how they got better treatment than me when we were younger. They never had to do any chores while I had to. They didn't even have to pick up their toys, it was my job to. However, I do want to protect them like a big sister still. I don't know what to feel.

I can hear how tough this is for you. It's really understandable to feel conflicted about your siblings. On one hand, witnessing the unequal treatment when you were younger must have been really frustrating and unfair. On the other, wanting to protect them shows how much you care, despite everything. It's okay to have mixed feelings about them. Balancing those feelings of frustration with love and care isn't easy, but it shows a lot of strength and compassion on your part. Have you been able to talk to anyone about how you're feeling?

I haven't been able to talk to anyone because nobody really knows and it's not something I talk about often. I do talk about it with my older sister as she received the same treatment as me but it's less of a talk but just us arguing about it. I can't put my finger on what I feel about my siblings.

It sounds like carrying this mix of feelings has been quite isolating for you, especially if it's not something you feel comfortable sharing widely. It's good, though, that you have your older sister to share these experiences with, even if those conversations can turn into arguments. It shows there's a shared understanding between you two, even if it's expressed through frustration. Feelings about family, especially siblings, can be incredibly complex. It's okay not to have a clear, straightforward feeling about them. It's normal for your emotions to ebb and flow, especially when it comes to family dynamics that have shaped you over the years. Have you considered finding a way to express these feelings that might help you understand them better or find some peace? Sometimes writing it out, creative expression, or even talking to someone outside the situation, like a counselor, can provide new perspectives.

I used to write like papers about my family when I was mad. I wanted to remember my feelings so I don't forget about them. That was a long time ago, maybe I should start writing again. I mean I am mostly afraid people will read it.

Writing can be such a powerful way to process your feelings, especially with something as deep and complex as family dynamics. It's great that you used to do that and found it helpful in some way. If you're worried about others reading your thoughts, maybe you could try keeping a digital journal that's password-protected, or continue writing on paper but find a hidden or secure place to keep your writings. That way, you can express yourself freely without the fear of being read by someone else. Starting to write again could be a really good step for you. It might help you untangle some of the conflicting feelings you have about your siblings and your family's past treatment. It's a safe space for you to be completely honest with yourself, and sometimes, that's where you find clarity and peace. Plus, it's just for you, so there's no pressure for it to be anything other than a true reflection of how you're feeling.

I'm not sure what to write about my siblings because it's so confusing. Like I love them but at the same time I feel like "Why should I do this for them?". Hopefully that makes sense?

Absolutely, that makes a lot of sense. Your feelings are totally valid and quite common when it comes to sibling relationships, especially with the background you've shared. It's natural to feel a mix of love and resentment, support and frustration. These emotions don't cancel each other out; rather, they coexist, reflecting the complexity of family bonds. When you start writing, you don't have to have a clear direction or even a specific goal in mind. You could start with exactly what you told me: write about the duality of loving your siblings yet questioning why you should continue to support them in certain ways. Let your thoughts and feelings flow without judgment. Writing can be exploratory, helping you navigate through your emotions and perhaps uncover deeper insights about your relationship with your siblings and yourself. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to feel or to write about these feelings. It's all about giving yourself the space to explore your emotions and experiences in a way that's most authentic to you.

Even if I write it down, I'm still living it in real life. It doesn't make it go away. I don't know how I act towards my siblings. I know it's not their fault, but then whose fault is it? Or is it anyone's fault? Maybe I overthink too much about it.

It sounds like you're grappling with some really tough emotions and questions. Writing things down isn't a cure-all, but it can be a tool to help you process and maybe view your feelings from a new angle. It's true that it doesn't change the reality of your situation, but it might give you a bit more clarity or even a bit of relief in understanding your own feelings better. It's very mature of you to recognize that your siblings aren't to blame for the dynamics you grew up with. Often, these situations stem from decisions made by adults in the family, and children grow up within the framework that's set for them. It's not about placing blame as much as it is about understanding the dynamics that led to your feelings. Overthinking is natural when you're trying to make sense of complex emotions, especially when it involves family. Maybe instead of focusing on fault, you could explore what steps you can take to build the kind of relationship you want with your siblings now, acknowledging your past but not letting it dictate your future interactions. It's a process, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. Remember, your feelings are valid, and seeking a way to navigate through them is a sign of strength.