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I've been in an open relationship with my spouse from the very beginning. At this point I accept it, but it wasn't really what I wanted, and I feel like I always consider our relationship to be less than because of it

It's totally understandable to feel conflicted about being in an open relationship, especially if it wasn't your first choice. It sounds like you're feeling like your relationship is somehow "less than" because of it. It's okay to have these feelings, but it's also important to remember that every relationship is unique and what works for one couple might not work for another. Have you talked to your spouse about your feelings?

We have talked about it and they know I wasn't happy about it. They would be willing to close the relationship if I wanted. But that isn't what I want anymore. I feel like it's already tainted, the fact that it was ever open has in some ways ruined it for me. At this point I think of my spouse as a life partner and a friend, but it's never going to be that full completion I might have felt from a monogamous relationship

It sounds like you've come to terms with the fact that your relationship is different than what you may have initially envisioned. It's completely valid to feel that way, and it's okay that your feelings for your spouse have evolved over time. It's important to remember that relationships are not static, and they can change and grow as the people in them do. It's possible to have a deep, meaningful connection with your spouse even if it doesn't fit the traditional mold of a monogamous relationsh

I think one of the main problems for me is that I still long for a monogamous relationship, I just can't have it with my spouse. As long as I'm not interested in anyone else I can focus on being happy with our friendly partnership, casually seeing other people, But it becomes painful when I catch feelings for someone else, and I think about what could have been

It sounds like you're in a tough spot, wanting a monogamous relationship but feeling like it's not possible with your spouse. It's totally normal to have feelings for other people, even when you're in a committed relationship, and it can be really painful when those feelings can't be fully realized. Have you considered talking to your spouse about these feelings? It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation about your needs and desires, and see if there's any way to find a comprom

I haven't talked about having feelings for other people specifically, as I'm not about to try to start a serious relationship with anyone else so it hasn't felt like it really needed to be addressed yet. The nature of our particular open relationship is more that we will have casual interactions with others, not have other committed relationships. One thing that bothers me is that I think I could have been happy with my spouse if I had communicated from the beginning that I did not want an open

It sounds like there's a lot of "what ifs" and regrets surrounding the decision to have an open relationship from the start. It's easy to get caught up in thinking about what could have been, but it's important to remember that hindsight is 20/20. You made the best decision you could at the time with the information you had. Instead of dwelling on the past, it might be helpful to focus on what you can do now to make your current situation as fulfilling as possible. That might mean having more op

But I don't feel like I did make the best decision. I knew at the time it wasn't what I wanted. My spouse and I had both just gotten out of bad relationships, and we were probably not really ready to be seeing anyone new, but I guess you don't get to pick when you meet someone, and we were both very interested in each other. And probably making some choices that were not the best because we were both hurting. When they asked me to be in a relationship they brought up it being an open relationshi

It sounds like there were a lot of complex emotions and factors at play when you made the decision to be in an open relationship. It's easy to look back and see where you might have made different choices, but it's important to be kind to yourself and recognize that you were doing the best you could at the time. It's great that you've gained more insight into your spouse and your relationship, and that you're now able to have more open and honest conversations with them. While you can't change t