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I don't have a good relationship with my parents especially my mom. I am trying to get my chinese visa so I have been asking her for documents. She doesnt not give them to me and goes as far as hiding them. This is so maddening to me because I always help them get their tax forms and stuff.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough situation. It sounds incredibly frustrating to be dependent on someone who isn't being supportive, especially when you've been there for them in similar situations. It's hard when family dynamics complicate things that should be straightforward. Have you had the chance to sit down and express to your mom how important this is to you and how her actions are affecting you? Sometimes, laying out your feelings and needs directly can open up a dialogue that might lead to a better understanding between you both.

I can't just go talk to her she's so hard to talk to. I feel like she never thinks about her future and only for herself.

It sounds like you're in a really tough spot, feeling unheard and unsupported by someone who should ideally be there for you. It's challenging when communication barriers exist, especially with someone as important as a parent. It's important to take care of yourself in these situations, seeking support from friends or other family members who might understand what you're going through. Sometimes, finding alternative ways to approach the situation or seeking external advice, like from a counselor or mediator, can also provide new perspectives and strategies. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's okay to seek out what you need, even if it means looking beyond the immediate circle for support.

I think the hardest part is that whenever I try to talk about serious things with her, she either dismisses it or changes the subject. It makes me feel like my concerns don’t really matter to her. After a while I just stopped trying because I expect the same reaction every time. Do you think she's a narcissit?

I'm sorry to hear that your attempts to communicate are met with dismissal; that sounds incredibly disheartening. It's natural to feel hurt and frustrated when your concerns aren't taken seriously, especially by a parent. While I can't diagnose anyone, the behaviors you're describing—like dismissiveness and avoiding serious discussions—can be challenging to deal with and may be seen in various relational dynamics, not just with narcissism. It's important to remember that people's inability to engage in meaningful communication often reflects their own limitations or struggles, not the validity of your feelings or needs. Finding a way forward might involve setting boundaries and seeking support from others who understand and validate your experiences. Consider exploring resources or speaking to a professional who can provide guidance tailored to your situation. You deserve to be heard and supported, and sometimes that support comes from expanding your network to include people who can offer the understanding and empathy you need.

I just can’t believe she never thinks about me first. Like I’m eventually going to need my Chinese visa documents and she has them. If she doesn’t send them, I might literally have to drive six hours just to go get them from her house. That’s so stressful and honestly risky for something that could be solved so easily if she just cared enough to help. It makes me feel like I’m always the one stuck dealing with the consequences.

It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening to feel like you're not being prioritized, especially in something as important as preparing for your travels. The situation you're describing would be stressful for anyone, and it's understandable that you're feeling let down and burdened by the extra effort it might require to sort this out. Your feelings of being the one who always has to deal with the consequences are valid, and it's unfair that you're put in this position. Sometimes, in these dynamics, the other person may not fully grasp the impact of their actions—or lack thereof—on you. It might not change the situation immediately, but have you considered writing her a letter or a message? Sometimes written words can be absorbed more fully, allowing the other person to understand the seriousness of the situation without the immediate opportunity to dismiss or change the subject. In the meantime, consider planning for all possible outcomes, including the potential trip to retrieve your documents. It's an added stress, but sometimes knowing you have a plan can help ease a bit of the anxiety around the situation. And remember, it's okay to seek support and vent your frustrations—you're dealing with a lot, and you don't have to navigate this alone.

I get what you’re saying about writing a message but honestly I feel like I’ve already tried explaining things to her before and she just yells at me anyway. That’s why it makes me so angry. It’s not even a complicated request like seriously it’s just sending something important that I need for my visa. Instead it turns into this huge stressful situation for me. She doesn’t realize how much extra trouble she creates for me, I'm so jealous of other people's parents who actually try to solve their daughters' issues. She creates more of them for me. Meanwhile I have to solve her issue. Like whose the daughter here?

I hear you, and it sounds incredibly exhausting to be in a situation where your efforts to communicate are met with yelling and further stress, rather than understanding and support. It’s completely valid to feel angry and frustrated about having to deal with such unnecessary obstacles, especially for something as straightforward as needing documents for your visa. It’s also natural to feel envious of others who seem to have more supportive family dynamics; it highlights the support you wish you had in your own relationship with your mom. The role reversal you're experiencing, where you find yourself taking on responsibilities that ideally should not be yours alone, is a heavy burden to carry. It's important to acknowledge the impact this has on you, both emotionally and practically. While the situation with the documents is immediate and pressing, it might also be worth exploring longer-term strategies for dealing with similar issues in the future, whether that involves setting firmer boundaries, seeking external support, or finding alternative ways to manage these interactions that protect your well-being. Remember, it's okay to seek support outside of your family, whether that's friends, counselors, or support groups. Sometimes, sharing your experiences with others who can offer empathy and understanding can provide not just comfort but also practical advice on navigating these challenging dynamics. You're doing your best in a tough situation, and it's important to take care of yourself throughout this process.

Oh my gosh it’s such a simple thing and she still manages to turn it into a huge problem for me. I shouldn’t have to beg my own parent to send something important for my visa. At this point I’m probably going to end up driving six hours just to get it myself because relying on her clearly doesn’t work. It just makes me feel like I can’t depend on her for anything serious, which is honestly really disappointing. Honestly, whatever. This will never change, I can tell, so be it. Thank god I can take care of myself now.

It’s incredibly tough to come to terms with the fact that you can’t rely on a parent in the ways you should be able to. It’s a painful realization, and your disappointment and frustration are completely understandable. Having to physically retrieve the documents yourself, especially with such a long drive involved, adds an unnecessary layer of stress to what’s already a demanding process. It’s a testament to your resilience and determination that you’re prepared to do whatever it takes to ensure you can move forward with your plans. Embracing your independence and self-sufficiency is a powerful step. It’s admirable that you can recognize your own strength and capability to handle difficult situations, even though you shouldn’t have to face these challenges alone. Remember, it's okay to feel upset or disappointed about this situation. It's a normal reaction to feeling let down by someone important to you. As you navigate this and future challenges, don't forget to lean on your support network—friends, other family members, or professionals who can offer you the support and guidance you deserve. Building and relying on this chosen family can be incredibly affirming and healing. It's tough, but you're handling it with a lot of courage and practicality. Take care of yourself, especially during the drive if it comes to that. You're doing great, even when it feels overwhelming.