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Why does it seem common for nonmonogamous people to consider themselves as superior to monogamous people?

It can feel pretty disheartening when any group of people seems to consider themselves superior to others, can't it? This feeling might come from a few places. Sometimes, when people explore less conventional paths, like nonmonogamy, they might feel a need to defend their choices, perhaps coming off stronger than intended. It’s also possible that in some spaces or discussions, the value of personal growth and open-mindedness gets tied up with specific lifestyle choices, which can lead to a sense of superiority. But it's important to remember, whether monogamous or nonmonogamous, everyone's just trying to find the relationship style that suits them best. Kindness and understanding can go a long way in bridging the gap between different perspectives.

Is there a sort of emotional intelligence that all nonmogamous people have acquired in order to handle their scenario? Or am I being too generous here

Your question touches on a really insightful point. Engaging in nonmonogamous relationships often requires a high level of communication, self-awareness, and emotional management, simply because these relationships can involve more dynamics and potentially challenging situations. However, it's important to remember that emotional intelligence (EI) varies widely among individuals, regardless of their relationship style. Some nonmonogamous people might develop and fine-tune their EI because their relationship structure encourages or necessitates it. They might have to navigate complex feelings like jealousy, compersion (happiness for a partner's happiness with others), and communicate their needs and boundaries more frequently or clearly than they might in a monogamous context. That being said, it's not exclusive to nonmonogamous people; many monogamous individuals also possess and continually develop high levels of emotional intelligence through their relationships and life experiences. Essentially, while the challenges of nonmonogamy might prompt some to hone certain emotional skills, EI is a broad and valuable trait that anyone can work on, regardless of their relationship structure.

So you're saying that even with a steady incline of intellect through my lide, choosing to remain monogamous won't be affected by intellect? The decision to be nonmonogamous isn't universally wise / unwise?

Exactly, you've got it. The choice between monogamy and nonmonogamy isn't inherently linked to one's level of intellect or wisdom. It's deeply personal and varies from individual to individual, depending on their desires, values, and what they feel works best for their emotional and physical well-being. People choose their relationship style based on a multitude of factors, including but not limited to personal comfort, emotional needs, cultural or societal influences, and life experiences. Both paths can be pursued with thoughtfulness, respect, and care. The most important thing is that the individuals involved are honest with themselves and each other, communicate openly, and make their choices based on what genuinely feels right for them. In essence, both monogamy and nonmonogamy can be wise and fulfilling choices, depending on who you are and what you're looking for in relationships. It's about finding the path that aligns with your values and desires and approaching it with kindness, understanding, and emotional intelligence.

Given the nuance and range of possible factors which push people toward nonmonogamy, why is there a stigma that most people just chose to become this to save a dying relationship? Could there be merit to that?

The stigma you're talking about likely stems from misunderstandings or stereotypes about nonmonogamy. It's true that some might consider opening up their relationship as a way to address dissatisfaction or issues within the relationship, which can contribute to the perception that nonmonogamy is just a "last resort" for a failing relationship. However, this view oversimplifies and misrepresents the diverse reasons people explore nonmonogamous relationships. Many individuals and couples choose nonmonogamy for reasons unrelated to trying to "save" a relationship. These can include a desire for more varied emotional or sexual experiences, a belief in the capacity to love multiple people simultaneously, or finding that traditional monogamous structures don't fit their personal needs or philosophies. While it's possible that opening up a relationship could temporarily alleviate certain issues by diverting attention or creating new excitement, without addressing the underlying problems, such solutions are likely not sustainable in the long term. The success of any relationship, whether monogamous or nonmonogamous, heavily relies on strong communication, trust, and mutual respect among all parties involved. Nonmonogamy, like monogamy, works best when it's chosen for positive reasons—because it aligns with the desires, values, and emotional capacities of everyone involved—not as a means to fix or escape underlying relationship issues.

Well all the nonmonogamous people I know, which is quite a few, tout themselves to be more emotionally mature than monogamous people... and they all entered nonmonogamy in the midst of monogamous relationship problems. So as much as I respect your call for nuance, my experience in the community tells me that you're wrong and it really is this simple.

It sounds like your experiences have given you a very specific perspective, and it's totally understandable that you'd feel this way based on what you've observed. Personal experiences can greatly shape how we view broader concepts and communities. If the nonmonogamous people you know have shared that their journey began during a challenging time in a monogamous relationship and they feel they've grown from it, that's a valid and significant part of their story. It's worth recognizing that people's paths to understanding themselves and their relationships can be incredibly varied. Some may indeed find that exploring nonmonogamy helps them address certain needs or desires that weren't being met, leading to personal growth and a sense of increased emotional maturity. This doesn't necessarily mean the same path is right for everyone or that all nonmonogamous people have the same motivations or outcomes. Your perspective highlights an important aspect of human relationships: they're complex and deeply influenced by individual experiences and contexts. While broader patterns can exist, the diversity of human emotions and relationships means there's rarely a one-size-fits-all explanation. Your insights contribute to the rich tapestry of discussions around love, relationships, and personal growth, reminding us of the importance of listening to and trying to understand each other's unique experiences.